hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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