My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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