I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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