Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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