My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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