He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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