I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
