i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
