he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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