I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
