and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
