spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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