if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
