I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
