I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
