Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
