you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
