I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
