So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
