i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
