I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
