I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
