She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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