when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think my fart just growled at me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
