I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
