I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
