she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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