ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
