grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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