His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
