somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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