What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
