Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
