Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
