he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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