You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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