It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
