And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
