You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
