My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
