I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
