Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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