$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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