if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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