i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
