We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
