The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
