Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
