walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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