another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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