She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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