I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
