i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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