Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
